Earth Babies Blog

Archive for October, 2009

I have a wish list for what I would like added to humans through the evolution process – I know I will miss out on the benefits but it is my wish for the generations of mothers to come.

You would think the process would have started centuries ago as I am sure mothers since the beginning of time have been experiencing the same issues. Who cares if we start looking a little weird if it makes life more pleasant lol

Mothers need
1. an extra pair of arms.
2. more patience
3. eyes in the back of their heads
4. A little down time button where you get 10 minutes of seeing,hearing and feeling nothing while you reboot

Children need
1. a volume dial
2. ears that actually work
3. the ability to sleep without waking for min of 10 hours solid at night
4. a better sense of self preservation – (maybe only mine need this but if i say leave me alone for a little bit please that they actually realise that I really really really need them to give me 10 minutes alone).
5. An instant understanding and acceptance of the meaning no and stop.
6. no whine tone to their voice and no need to repeat themselves over and over.
7. patience.

So what would you add to the list … we can all dream Ü

I know if we got half the things I wish for children, then children would not be children and we would probably miss out on so much of the other special things about them but at the moment my tired brain says “I could live with that!”.

On Saturday past Sally and I thought it would be fun to take part in the 5km Walk against Breast Cancer held at the Johannesburg Zoo.

We pre-registered, I thought this would make things easier in terms of just being able to show your registration papers and going in vs standing in lines to pay on the day. And I have to admit the promise of a goodie bag for pre-registrations also appealed. (Ironically it would have been much less stress and faster to have simply paid on the day)

We took our kids (brave Sally took 4 – her own and 2 friends) with because it was at the zoo, would be a fun family day out (I had done the same distance with the kids before at the Pretoria zoo so knew it was doable as the animals kept the kids entertained and motivated) and we would be supporting a worthwhile and close to home cause. I kindly invited husband dear along as it was going to be nice to do as a family …. bliss.

Sadly the reality fell a bit short of our ideas and intentions. There were 1000’s on 1000’s of people that attended. We got stuck in very slow traffic around the zoo, ended up after lots of driving around having to park 3 blocks away on a pavement and walk to the registration area.

Sally was already in the lines to get their entry tickets and bags (thanks to her beautiful pink hair, we found them in the masses quite easily). The sign in process had been divided into groups according to your surnames and Sally was right at the back of an incredibly long 3 person deep line for A-D’s.

We pushed, maneuvered and probably pissed people off with our 2 kids and a pram through the aimless milling crowds to first go to the toilet (desperation called) before searching for the end of the line of our own long line of 3 people deep j-l group. Thankfully our line was not as long as Sally’s and we were well ahead of her.

More than an hour+ later – about a half hour past the walks starting time; after some crying and moaning (mostly by the children) and a placating sucker each for breakfast we got to the front of the line to pick up our little pink tickets, have our names checked off their list and get our goodie bags which basically were Avon & Justine Marketing material, an old edition of Shape magazine and a T-shirt each (not even in the size requested in the preregistration) we were done – amazingly at the same time as Sally.

Once inside we realised that the walk did not even take place within the relative safety of the zoo but was actually out on the road, we decided that we had done our part (the hardest part) for charity and were going to simply take the kids around the zoo than torture them further – they were already tired and miserable a 5km walk would not go down well.
The kids had fun in the end, was a nice enough morning BUT next year I will pay my fee and NOT go to the walk. Maybe when my children are all grown up and out of the house I will brave that experience again.

Breast Cancer Walk at the Zoo Fail
Female to Female

When I first thought of writing this blog I was thinking maybe I should just make Earth Babies the author and then people could look at Barbara and I and wonder who actually wrote it, but we have such distinct writing styles and really I am not embarrassed at all. So you can all look at me and wonder…

The topic of sex after birth and particularly natural child birth is a very sensitive one. Barbara and I have discusses blogging about this for a while. Today I got a delivery in the post which motivated me to actually write this, but we will get my delivery later. I can’t imagine one woman who has not wondered about the effect having a baby has had on her body, but most of us are too afraid to ask our partners if they feel a difference. I am sure any partner who values his life would not dare answer anything other than ‘No dear of course it has not made a difference’. Any deviation from this answer warrants castration with a blunt spoon. I know I never asked my husband when we were still together.

Nagging doubt, the general rock bottom sex drive that happens post kids, and server sleep deprivation can leave a woman feeling anything but sexy and actually rather vulnerable. I wonder if all these lost sex drives are off on a beach somewhere enjoying themselves, maybe they are with the missing socks, unlikely combination but you know anything is possible. Or perhaps they just go and find some teenager to torment.

Slogan like ’save the beaver have a caesar’ don’t help much either. There is even a Facebook group dedicated to this! I have seen some pretty vicious nasty debates on the topic thrown around parenting chat forums. The truth is that it actually does not matter what type of birth you have the process of pregnancy, vaginal birth , aging, being over weight and major abdominal surgery such as cesarean section, often result in the weakening of the pelvic floor muscles. During pregnancy woman are all told to exercise this group of muscles, commonly known as Kegel exercises, and because it can be done discreetly you can do it while waiting in a queue in the bank, driving, sitting at your desk at work, brushing your teeth, you can even do them while talking to your church minister! In fact the idea is to have one set place that you always do them, like when brushing your teeth as they then become part of your normal routine, but if you are anything like me you forget.

The aim of Kegel exercises is to build up muscle tone by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel exercises are said to be good for treating vaginal prolapse and preventing uterine prolapse. They may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence and best of all also increase sexual gratification.

This article explains Kegels’s in deatail How to strengthen pelvic floor muscles

At home school group this week we got talking about sex and natural birth and one of the moms talked about the Ben Wa Balls otherwise known as Luna Ball, geisha ball, love balls. She was just saying how they really do help and that your control of your orgasm is better and can even lead to multiple orgasms.

I decided to get some, seemed worth a try and these are what I got

I ordered on line from Matilda’s the services was very good and they arrived the next day. See me as your own blogging guinea pig, once I have tried them out I will let you know how easy they are to use.

What is the difference between “global warming” and “climate change?”
(Global Warming Kid’s Pages)
“Global warming” refers to the increase of the Earth’s average surface temperature, due to a build-up of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. “Climate change” is a broader term that refers to long-term changes in climate, including average temperature and precipitation

The idea of climate change is not a foreign concept anymore – all of us have heard of it – there are ongoing arguments and studies as to whether global warming is due to our actions or the natural life cycle of the earth.
Whether we roll our eyes at the fuss or buy into the concern whole hog it is a concept our children will need to learn about.
Irrespective of what our take on it is, the approaches for helping are simple and logical from the stand point of teaching our children about our influence on our earth, the creatures on it and the resources we need for our daily living – it is our responsibility as parents to raise our children to be considerate, respectful and love this planet that allows us life.

The other day we took the kids to watch Earth (unfortunately I did not get to watch it all as it is a documentary so lost Kara’s attention as soon as the opening scenes of the polar bear babies moved on) but Rafe watched it all with his dad and enjoyed it.
Basically it is a documentary which demonstrates the effects of climate change by following three animal families and their amazing journeys across the planet. The imagery is beautiful, they share interesting facts about the animals and show effectively how climate change is affecting the animals, their source of food and in essence their very existence.
(2 other stunning kids movies, which though they don’t focus on climate change, take on the the subject of how our actions as humans are affecting the earth and animals are Happy feet and Wall-E)

Climate change can be a big concept to try and explain to children especially if like me you only grasp the basics, so I found some lovely sites specifically focused on children that can help you communicate it to them on their level.
There are many but I will only list a few (google is your friend Ü)

Cool kids for a Cool Climate – Projects, News, Stories

Twelve Really Important Things you can do to help stop global warming – nice explanations

Global Warming for kids which links to Hippo Works – Lovely little cartoon clips which address climate change and other environmental issues in short simple format easy for children (& those like me needing climate change for dummies) to understand.

For today Climate Change is the focus for Blog Action Day 2009 – more than 7000 bloggers have registered to participate. Go have a look and see what others have to say on this subject.

I wrote this article on Jozi kids about Halloween, you can read it here on their blog

I remember the dilemma I had when we went Trick-or-treating the first time when we lived in England, I try where possible to limit my kids sweet and sugar intake, but this was now sweet heaven a whole bag full of sticky delightful sweets. A kids dream come true. Should I just let them have the sweets and enjoy them or should I changed them from healthier snacks? In the end I thought you are only a kid once and sweets at Halloween are unlikely to kill them. All things in moderation I guess is the answer.

It does not stop me thinking I wish we could cut sugar out of our lives totally. I have read so much about it negative effects on our bodies. I read this article Sugar the Sweet Thief of Life a few years ago, it is a long read but quite scary to see what effect it has on our bodies, and ever since then I have wanted to get rid of it, but it is way easier said than done when I myself have a very sweet tooth.

I know I will never be able to cut sugar out all together as much as I would like to, maybe I just have to make peace with trying to limit it where I can and substitute with other snacks. I don’t want to be fanatical though as I think the forbidden always becomes more alluring to kids. So I guess a sweet overload at Halloween and other times like this is just part of the joys of growing up.

This weekend C (husband) and I had the treat of a night all to ourselves. Sally very kindly had both of my kids sleep over by her. I looked forward to it all week – I kept it as a surprise from C as it had been his birthday in the week and rather than going out i thought it would be nice to do a romantic evening at home. I spent the week preparing the children that they would be sleeping out and anticipating the joy of being child free for an entire night (Rafe has slept out but Kara had never).

We watched a dvd (early without having to first wait for the kids to go to sleep). We ate decadent food and dessert (everything our kids would never eat). We got to sit close to each other (no kids inbetween us). We got to make love where and when we wanted (no kids forcing a late night, stealth mode, too tired to do much encounter).

It was heaven and fun and felt like we were worry free and dating again … but you may have noticed a trend in the previous paragraph – yup after a bit I kept thinking of what the kids were doing or would be doing were they with us. At bed time i felt so heartsore that our house felt empty. I will not lie I LOVED my solid nights sleep, and loved being able to snuggle up to C through the night and in the early morning – it was however rather sad not waking to a little body pushing me off the bed and the normal range of morning drama and demands. It does appear as usual I missed them more than what they missed us.

I loved the time to ourselves, that precious time together that all parents need to reconnect BUT the best part of the evening was rediscovering that though I sometimes yearn for time away for my kids the yearn to be with them is stronger.

Today I was given a compliment, one of those I want to remind myself of often over the years to come as it was positive, lifted my spirits and is the first ambiguous compliment that i have received that had a more positive than negative effect on me.

This got me to thinking of how children don’t at first seem to need compliments to validate themselves, this only comes later as society pressures, disappointments and failure cause self doubt to creep in.

If I tell my children they are beautiful, so very clever, handsome, special, gorgeous they accept it as if it is a given there is no modesty just a simple “Ya I know!” … I love this about them and sometimes wish as adults we could maintain that same sense of self love.

The compliment I received today was from Laura (Harassed Mom) who said ‘I am like an unopened jewellery box’ … nice hey Ü! Thanks Laura it is honestly going to be that little sentence I say to myself when I feel self doubt as just the idea puts a smile on my face and a lift in my spirits.

Female to Female is involved in a very worthwhile project – Laura is working on to be able to organise a Christmas party for children who need to experience that feeling that others care, the excitement of Christmas and the joy of receiving (lets be honest giving is wonderful but receiving ‘rocks hard’ =P).

BUT we can change that for 60 children of the Othandweni Home by organising a Christmas Party for them!!!

Please read about the Christmas Party
at www.female2female.co.za and if you are able be a part of this.

I have learnt a good lesson this year about my child, his ability to remember and his determination.
In December last year he got to interact at a party with a Roboraptor and fell in love. The young owner of this raptor was very kind to allow my then just turned 4 year old to play around it, control it and carry it – (much to the detriment of my ‘how will I afford to replace it if it breaks’ stress levels – it was big and heavy and way too expensive for a little guy).

Rafe asked time and time again that evening and the next day that I buy one for him – so eventually to stop him asking I said that it was very expensive and he was actually still too small for it but if we saved some money every month then maybe by next Christmas we would have enough to buy one. I thought he would obsess about saving for a day or two and forget all about it. How wrong i was – it is 10 months later and he still picks up every 5 cent he finds to put in his money box so he can buy his dinosaur. He may have no concept about monetary value BUT he definitely understands the value of money and saving. I am very proud of him and rightfully shamed at assuming his dreams are fickle.

He will be getting his Robot this Christmas – it is not new out of the box, I have managed to buy one second hand at what I feel is a good deal and the price is one that I think we can relax about and let him play with his toy rather than moan at him the whole time to be careful with it etc.

I am excited about this Christmas for the first time in very long – I know my son is going to not care what everyone else got and just be in love with what he got. Christmas is about more than the cost – I do know this but the cost of Christmas and not being able to take part like so many around us has always been a rather dark cloud of stress and disappointment over me.