Earth Babies Blog

Archive for February, 2010

Strange topic for a ‘baby blog’ I suppose BUT babies, become children, become adults. What we teach them now is the basis for how they approach people in the future.
This contains lots of questions and I hope I get replies as I dont intend them as purely hypothetical. I am really curious how others see it – beyond the group I have discussed similar things with in the past (I tend to disagree with the approach of the majority).

What is your take on children being aware of colour? How do you approach it with your own children? Is recognising someone’s colour discrimination?

I think we are taking being Politically correct about colour way too far – I cannot tell you how many times people try claim that children “dont see colour” – Of course they see colour, they just dont care! But as adults trying to navigate the maze of rules as to what is ‘allowed and not’ we try to tell ourselves that they don’t see colour. Now if they can see that a boy has a blue shirt, or a girl has blonde hair – why would they not see that that skin colours differ?

What are we actually teaching our children by trying to make them stick everyone in one colourless box? Do YOU want to be colourless?

The whole colour PC issue is going the same way as the feminism movement, where in my opinion they lose focus of what is important. If we ignore colour we lose sight of all the wonderful unique attributes of people and actually I feel create a nation less tolerant of differences in culture ‘as we are all meant to be the same’. I WANT my children to recognize racial differences and learn to accept them. How do we expect children to learn about different cultures and respect them if we are teaching them in the first place not to recognise or acknowledge those differences?

For me respect is based in acceptance, and tolerance and not in being the same. Equality is based on respect and acceptance of others and not on overlooking differences.

I wrote an article for Parent24 that was about the unassisted birth that I had with my son Caleb.
It is not a birth choice that I think would suit most people but it I think part of appreciating our differences as parents is seeing what other people have done and even if it is something we would never do, it is nice to share.

So here is the link to the day I caught my lovely Baby Boy Parent24: I delivered my own baby

I doubt there is another title that comes with as much judgement as being a mother. Comparison, superiority, one upmanship, feelings of guilt and inferiority seem to be part of the package. I think the first year of being a mom is the most rough in this regard – everything feels personal. You have to wade through a bit of a swamp of your own opinions and those of others.

We all judge and feel judged (not always intentionally) – and a few years down the line when we have learnt our own lessons and become more flexible, we can no longer remember so clearly ‘how’ we used to think in that first see-sawing year of motherhood.

A friend posted this on a forum a while back – I had a good giggle as it could have been taken from quotes made over the past few years I have been chatting there from the subjects we have argued about, made statements and voiced opinions on.

Read through and then share your score (you dont have to say which ones they were ) of judgments made and judgements felt.

Waldorf Doll:

Description from Wikipedia
A Waldorf doll (also called Steiner doll) is a form of doll used in Waldorf education. Made of wool and cotton, using techniques drawing on traditional European dollmaking, its appearance is intentionally simple in order to allow the child playing with it to improve or strengthen imagination and creativity. For instance, it has no facial expression. Its legs and arms are flexible, allowing natural postures.

Technique: Traditional Waldorf dolls are made from cotton interlock knit fabric and wool stuffing. They are often entirely natural. Typically the trademark long hair of a Waldorf doll is made of mohair or boucle. Some doll makers use alternative hair material such as: Wool, Rayon, and Cotton. The facial features of a Waldorf doll vary with the maker. Most Waldorf dolls have small suggestions of noses, their eye and mouth colors are generally varied with each doll.

(by Damaria Senne)

As you and your partner go through different stages of your life, so your love-making will change. At times it will be wonderful. At times it might be just okay. And sometimes, it may even be difficult. What’s important is that you always talk and listen to one another and do as much as possible to keep your sexual relationship working.

If you have a new-born baby, your sexual relationship might be difficult for 6 months or longer, says SoulSEX, a new 44-page sex guide published by the Soul City Institute.

This is really a time when talking, listening, caring and supporting one another is so important. You both need to be patient and understanding. After all, there is a tiny little person in your life.

A man needs to remember that a mother of a new-born baby is often sore after giving birth and her body needs to recover. She may also be tired from nights of being up with the baby and from breastfeeding. What’s more a man needs to understand the mother’s natural motherly feelings about giving her baby as much attention, love and care as possible.

Fathers can help look after babies. This will take some of the strain off the new mother.

A new mother needs to understand that the father of a new-born baby also wants her attention, love and care. What’s more, a woman needs to remember that today many fathers want to help with their new-born babies and don’t want to be left out.

Also, there are a few men who were present at the birth of their child who find that they very distressed by what they have seen. “Some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always,” says Dr David Delvin at netdoctor.com.uk. Fathers who feel like this should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings, he says.

Will childbirth change your sex life?

Definitely, says Delvin. “Please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true,” he says.

Dr Delvin notes that childbirth is a traumatic process for a woman. “Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up,” he says.

He adds that childbirth also involves very considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. As a result, very few women feel “rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth,” he says.

However, a couple can engage in non-penetrative sex while they wait for the woman to heal. And that, too, can bring its own fun, and help the couple maintain a sexual closeness. For more details on some of the non-penetrative sexual activities you can do, download SoulSEX.
Also note that non-penetrative sexual activities should exclude cunnilingus for the first few weeks after childbirth, which could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.

Is sex going to be the same?

As previously mentioned in the introduction of this article, love-making will change as we go through various stages of our lives. However, that does not mean that it can’t be fun/as or even more rewarding than before childbirth. And yes, the vagina of a woman who had a natural childbirth will not go back to its original shape.

As Kelly Winder at Bellybelly.com.au notes: “The vagina is designed like a piano accordion – its actually designed to stretch open. Memories of trying to insert a tampon for the first time or the first sexual encounter may suggest to women that giving birth to a baby will be even worse. But the body is very capable and in fact designed to do this. Another help is that the baby is slippery, covered in vernix or at least wet with amniotic fluid. This lubrication will help the baby move through the birth canal.”
This means that the vagina is designed to stretch for childbirth and revert back to its original position afterwards, she says.

“The result of vaginal birth is an increase in blood supply to the area. This can result in women becoming more orgasmic after vaginal birth. This effect may be reduced if the pelvic floor is weak, however a women’s health physiotherapist can teach women how to correctly exercise these muscles to improve strength.”

Baby steps

According to Delvin, a couple should begin sexual intercourse gently after childbirth. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out, he says. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up, so you can have some peace and quiet.
“Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist,” he says
He also notes that a couple should choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration for the first few sessions of sex after childbirth, A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable, he says.

Lastly, here are some ideas stop your children walking in when you are making love:
• Lock the door
• Ask a friend to look after them when you arrange a special time for yourself as a couple
• Make love somewhere else (outside the home, for example0
• Make sure your children are fast asleep.

Download SoulSEX

Bio
Damaria Senne is a writer based in Johannesburg. She is the web content developer for OneLove (www.onelovesouthernafrica.org) , a 9-country regional campaign which aims to encourage people in Southern Africa to have one sexual partner. Damaria writes about her life as a writer at http://damariasenne.blogspot.com

A while ago I wrote about change and how i cope (or dont) with it – well the last lack of blogging is evidence of my inability to cope with change – especially that type of change that leaves you hanging and not sure what next.
I have been very demotivated and scatterbrained and totally lost focus the last while but have decided it is time to “ruk myself reg” and get posting again.

Too Much Coffee Man - Shannon Wheeler