Earth Babies Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Bonding’

Modern babies are held as little as 20% of the day due to parents having various gadgets to ‘help’ – we shift them from cot to pram to bouncer to swing-chair to car-seat. No need to take them from the car-seat, simply take it with!

All of these devices are perceived as making a parent’s life more convenient but what about the baby? Is it as beneficial to the baby?

Babies have an instinctive need to be in-arms. Human babies are born virtually helpless and so they rely totally on their caregiver to meet all their needs. They know that the safest place to be is close to their mother/carer. They are designed to crave close human contact as this is what ensured their survival over the centuries. Although the environment that most babies are born into today is a lot safer than 100’s of years ago babies are still programmed to want this contact.

Not only does being close to the parent ensure their survival but they also instinctively know that the best place for them to watch, listen and learn about what their species and their behaviour.

Baby wearing creates a strong bond between caregiver and baby, this attachment in the baby years can boost a child’s confidence in themselves and there relationship with their parents for years to come. Dr Sear’s an American Paediatrician and advocate of attachment parenting says “With the high-touch parenting style called attachment parenting, you can build and strengthen this connection between you and your child, laying the foundation for discipline.” ( to read more visit www.askdrsears.com )

So while all these modern gadgets may be convenient for us parents, we need to consider their impact on our babies who need this vital contact. Should we not learn from non-western communities and consider the benefits of Baby Wearing?

1. Happy baby: Babies who are carried more often have been found to be in general calmer and they cry/fuss less.

* Mother and baby contact is the baby’s first socio-emotional interaction – it allows for both emotional and sensory stimulation.
* A Study done in 1986 by Hunziker and Barr on increased carrying and its affect on infant crying, showed that baby’s who were carried more throughout the day cried less and the intensity of their crying was less distressed – (this study specifically looks at the occurrence and increased diagnosis of ‘3 month colic’ ).
* Decreased reflux and colic (wind): Many moms have said that a sling helps with colic (wind), by reducing the need for burping as well as babies’ tendencies of vomiting and excess spitting up. Being supported in a more upright position seems to help, as does the soothing movement of the mother’s body.

2. Feeling secure: being close to mom is a baby’s safe place.

* Moms have found that babies who are carried are less likely to become overstimulated – not only is baby happiest when in physical contact with a parent, but in a new environment – especially one with a lot of outside stimulation (eg. shopping centre) – babies often feel insecure. The general trend is covering of a baby’s pram to block out the visual stimulation. This however does not block out the auditory stimulation, which can overwhelm when isolated with no view of the cause. Babywearing helps baby feel safe in all situations.

3. Alternative style carriers are gentler on tiny backs:

* They support the baby’s neck preventing whiplash type injuries to neck and spine.
* Allow for carrying in positions that place no weight bearing pressure on the spine (”The young baby should be horizontal or inclined, with the spine supported along its length” ~ Rochelle L. Casses, D.C)
* The baby is supported by fabric that conforms firmly to their body, this eliminates pressure on their developing backs from hanging upright, unsupported and with all their downward weight on their pelvis & lower back.
* Baby is supported under the entire bum and thighs not only between the legs.

4. Comfortable for mom/dad:

* No rigid frame with set arm and leg openings.
* Baby’s weight is distributed more evenly across the body and supported into the body (usually against the shoulders, back and hips) as opposed to the full weight hanging from the shoulders and away from the body (which pulls your centre of gravity off kilter resulting in the strain of continuously correcting posture).
* Certain of the carriers (unpadded slings & wraps) have unlimited adjustment which allows you to find the most comfortable balanced carry for yourself and baby

5. More confident parents

* A parent able to recognize baby’s needs and triggers and reduce crying, helps to lessen the feelings of panic or being overwhelmed.
* When spending close time with your baby, it is easier able to recognise and relate to her needs, this promotes responsiveness and allows for an increased attachment.
* Can help with maternal depression and aids bonding between mother and baby
* Mothers’ struggling to adjust to having a new baby have found that carrying can help them to bond without the pressure of having to emotionally interact when they feel unable to.

6. Soft carriers such as the slings and wraps offer a variety of carry positions which you can change depending on your baby’s age and mood. eg. lying – horizontal or diagonal, upright – facing in or out, on your front, hip, back etc.

7. Improves baby’s development:

* Babies who are held and cuddled a lot are more attentive and develop mentally and physically much quicker than babies who receive minimal physical contact.
* Enhanced language and social skills: Babies who are worn experience people interacting at eye and voice level, through this involvement in conversation they learn not only language, facial interaction and sounds but the ability to listen.
* Carried babies spend more time in a quiet, alert state which allows for optimal learning – without specific teaching taking place.
* A baby with a sense of security and trust is more receptive to external stimulus.
* The continual movement helps develop and regulate a babies vestibular system which helps with balance and spacial awareness.
* Interaction within their environment helps the brain to grow and learn through stimulating the branching out and connecting of nerves – babywearing helps the right connections to be made

8. Allows for easier breastfeeding

* Contact is an important trigger both for babies latching ability but also a mothers ability to produce milk. Carrying allows for this closeness.
*Slings are ideal for discreet breastfeeding when in public, making it a more comfortable experience for mother, baby and those in the vicinity.
* For a mother with older children sometimes finding time to breastfeed can appear to be a challenge – a sling can help support baby at the breast, leaving mom hands free to give attention to a sibling at the same time (cuddle, read a story, build a puzzle etc).

9. Free hands:

* What all moms’ need … more hands. It is a lot easier to get daily tasks done while wearing your baby than to try and rush to do things before baby starts crying.
* Some carriers allow for hands free wearing, specifically those that hold baby securely against your body (front back carriers, wraps, unpadded slings).
* Having the ability to be able to do things beyond simply holding your baby in your arms, helps to lessen that isolated/trapped feeling mothers often experience.
* Needed when you have other children – see last * of point 8. This also helps with sibling bonding and acceptance as it lessens jealousy, without too much pressure and tug of war for mom-time

10. They are practical.

* They allow for more freedom of movement – eg. when shopping – having a pram can be limiting in terms of moving between floors, maneuvering between people and aisles and it is impossible to push a pram and a trolley.
* They are economical – carrier R200-R300 vs pram R600 +.
* Baby carriers can be folded up and packed into a bag so are close at hand when needed.


Great Babywearing sites and articles
The BabyWearer
Dr Sears on Baby wearing
10 reasons to wear your baby
La Leche League’s view on the benefits
Babywearing International

Research based articles
Baby carriers and Spinal Stress
Hunziker and Barr study on the affects of baby carrying on infant crying

Ever wondered what people do with the placenta when it is not discarded of through a hospital?

I have heard of eating it as a cure for Post Natal Depression. Why would anyone even consider this? – well placenta is said to be very high in nutrients and vitamins beneficial to a mothers’ healing – you can read various articles here about placenta benefits.

Placenta pills may help to:
• Increase general energy
• Allow a quicker return to health after birth
• Increase production of breast milk
• Decrease likelihood of baby blues and post natal depression
• Decrease likelihood of iron deficiency
• Decrease likelihood of insomnia or sleep disorders

Luckily I did not suffer from post natal depression but for some it is debilitating and I think anything that can help or prevent it would become a life-line (and lose its ick factor). My mother suffered PND very badly after my own birth – it was in a time when post natal depression was not recognised and women were told to simply ‘buck up’ which I have been told simply made it worse. It took long for her to recover from it but she was lucky to have had support in my father and aunt. Knowing this now (I was unaware as a child) I can look back and understand better our hot & cold relationship and also my very close attachment to my dad.

There are some new ones here that I had not thought of (specifically the ‘crafty’ ones) and somehow these make me feel even more squeamish than the idea of a placenta sandwich.
Read 5 fun things you can do with your Baby’s Placenta from Inhabitots.com

What did you do with the placenta and what do these ideas make you think / feel?

This weekend C (husband) and I had the treat of a night all to ourselves. Sally very kindly had both of my kids sleep over by her. I looked forward to it all week – I kept it as a surprise from C as it had been his birthday in the week and rather than going out i thought it would be nice to do a romantic evening at home. I spent the week preparing the children that they would be sleeping out and anticipating the joy of being child free for an entire night (Rafe has slept out but Kara had never).

We watched a dvd (early without having to first wait for the kids to go to sleep). We ate decadent food and dessert (everything our kids would never eat). We got to sit close to each other (no kids inbetween us). We got to make love where and when we wanted (no kids forcing a late night, stealth mode, too tired to do much encounter).

It was heaven and fun and felt like we were worry free and dating again … but you may have noticed a trend in the previous paragraph – yup after a bit I kept thinking of what the kids were doing or would be doing were they with us. At bed time i felt so heartsore that our house felt empty. I will not lie I LOVED my solid nights sleep, and loved being able to snuggle up to C through the night and in the early morning – it was however rather sad not waking to a little body pushing me off the bed and the normal range of morning drama and demands. It does appear as usual I missed them more than what they missed us.

I loved the time to ourselves, that precious time together that all parents need to reconnect BUT the best part of the evening was rediscovering that though I sometimes yearn for time away for my kids the yearn to be with them is stronger.

I did not have a good night last night, thus the topic on my mind. It seems sleep is one of the main things that parents obsess about. My husband is currently working away from home and when we chat, our sleep from the previous night is one of the first topics of conversation – me being envious of his 3 nights a week un-child interrupted sleep and his I suppose being envious of us all sleeping in HIS bed (there is no bed like home they say).

I am one of those parents other new parents hate when they ask – “So when did they start sleeping through?” (the most common question asked by and of new parents).
Both my babies were absolute angels and slept ‘through’ (a solid 8-10 hours a night from about 6 weeks).
Rafe would go to sleep at about 11pm and sleep till 7am then wake for a feed and then we would sleep together till about 9am (Heaven, a well rested mom).
Kara would go to sleep at about 7pm (great some quality adult time not too late could be had), and sleep till around 4am then wake for a feed and then we would nap till about 6am – also good a nice earlier start to the day. Life with babies was all good.

BUT here is the twist in the tail. Both my children started waking more often the older they got – so where we got great sleep before, we are now getting very interrupted and sometimes little sleep … it is all a process though. I may moan about it, be grouchy on some days and have hissy-fits some nights when Kara decides at 2am we must get up now, but it is not something I would specifically try and change. They have their reasons for waking and needing to be close and if we give them what they need now maybe by 20+ they will be able to sleep on their own … or find a new bedpartner to kick awake.

We have some great articles on our site regarding sleep solutions – FAQ’s regarding sleep provided by Erica Neser and a range from the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley so if sleeplessness is really getting you down and you need some perspective and tips on how to improve things read these as a starting point.

Erica Neser is a South African author of Sleep Guide for Babies and Toddlers – I read her first release which was a slim guide, very easy to read for a sleep deprived mom and I got through it in a night. I liked it as it gave me immediate answers and also put into perspective that it was me (pre the 6 week onward sleep bliss) that had a sleep problem and not my baby. She touches on all the sleep solution approaches out there – some i personally would not use or encourage – but she does approach them all with the focus of being gentle, realistic and loving towards your baby which I liked.

Elizabeth Pantley is the author of a wonderful range of ‘No Cry’ parenting books – specifically The No Cry Sleep Solution – loved this book though I did read it when I no longer felt I had a problem and was not feeling so sleep deprived – it is a bit of a longer read but an approach to ’sleep training’ that i feel happy with and recommend this approach above all others when asked.

I think most people realise the magnitude of becoming a parent, and the responsibility – the lifetime significance of it. We think about it from our own point of view and imagine our children growing older and how that will affect us and all realize that even 30+years down the line they will still be our baby and we will still be their mom/dad.

Have you ever sat down and thought of it from their side, how big a part you are of who they are. Think about your own parents how even all grown up and living your life you still need them. I never imagined that my own children would never get to love or be loved by my own parents – that ‘taken for granted’ was intricately woven into my dream of a family and children of my own.

My parents died in 2002 I was 27, married, working and already been out of the house and ‘independant’ for 10 years. I had been in hostel so from std 4 till std 9 I only saw them week-ends. In std 9 they moved to Zimbabwe but I chose to stay at the school I knew in South Africa so from there I only saw them holidays, once studying and then working we saw each other 2 or 3 times a year – sometimes more when they would climb in the car on a Friday and drive 1000km to surprise us on our birthdays or simply to take us out to supper on the Saturday evening and then drive the 1000km back home on the Sunday.

The distance and erratic time together never changed anything though, they were still my parents, I still needed them and depended on them to be my ‘safe place’ even if only in voice over the phone. I knew everyday that they were there thinking about us and loving us.

They have been gone for 7 years now you would think after all this time I would have stopped feeling that need to hear their voice and just feel safe and ‘home’ again – I haven’t though, that feeling is just as strong today as it was when I was a child.
I did not speak openly about what was going on in my life with my parents, they were never my confidante, they were never the ones I felt I could tell anything to BUT they were the place I knew I could always go to feel loved, protected and accepted just as I am. They knew when I was not at my best but never pushed for answers or tried to fix things or pushed me in any direction that they felt would be best for me. They were simply there for me quietly supportive and loving and understanding..

What got my train of thought going in this direction (apart from needing to hear their voice) – last night a friend’s husband stopped at my gate to quickly pick something up and when I asked how he was his answer was ‘Not so good today’, his father had had a stroke and died and that large, strong, older man stood there tears in his eyes looking broken at the loss of a parent.

A child no matter how old remains the child to a parent – not only in the eyes of the parent but also in the heart of the child.

Related to yesterdays blog about touch and bonding I came across this article about touch between teachers and pupils. It is a well written article that gets you thinking.

The importance of physical touch in a school environment

Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, how do you feel about physical contact from your child’s educators … or lack thereof? Would a no contact rule be beneficial to our children or like me do you think that we would be damaging and disadvantaging our children in the long run all in the interest of keeping them safe from the risk of inappropriate touch.

I have always had a personal rule to trust my children’s innate instinct and to never force them to greet an adult they don’t want to. It is embarrassing at times and I have found myself being apologetic or trying to cover up what is perceived as rudeness but have recently again had this highlighted to me – if your child does not want to greet or have contact with an adult you need to respect that desire irrespective of who that person is – your child has their reasons and that instinct to stay away is what will keep them safe if you respect and nurture it.

touch… is the mother of all senses upon which our baby depends

In many ways touch is our most important form of communication. It is the most basic communication, the one we first get to experience and understand as babies. Of our 5 senses touch (touching and being touched) is the one that develops us physically, mentally and emotionally – it is this that the other four senses support.

There is always a lot of talk about bonding when it comes to babies – it is often attributed to the way you birth or feed your baby … which leads to arguments galore from those who do not choose the natural route and still feel they bonded.
In truth the only thing that bonding can be attributed is touch. Think about it in terms of people around you – if you have no physical contact with a person whatsoever, it is near to impossible to feel any form of emotional connection to them.

Breastfeeding forces you to put physical contact first.

This is where the argument for natural birth and breastfeeding being important for bonding stems from. Both of these allow for and require immediate and ongoing physical contact.

Thinking of breastfeeding, there is no option of putting that baby down or having someone else hold them during feeding. In the first few intensive weeks until your milk supply is properly established and baby has grown enough to go longer stretches between feeds the two of you HAVE to sit down and be in close contact for at least ½ of the day (newborns need to feed on average 12 times a day).
This allows for a lot of time for them to receive that all essential physical stimulation, to be physically close enough to see their mothers face (a newborn can only see clearly for about 20cm – the distance from your face to breast) and for you to settle in to actually spending time being still and simply holding them rather than doing all those things you feel you ’should’ be doing.

Love is founded in touch

In terms of natural birth the same applies – you are able to sit up and comfortably hold baby immediately after the birth, there is no need for them to be taken away while you are stitched up or taken to recovery etc.

I will admit after my first birth having a quick peek and having baby swept away for all the checks etc would have been quite welcome at the time (I was exhausted) – in retrospect though I am glad for that time I got to hold him close and marvel at the result of the unpleasantness I had felt moments before.
It was a very special time and which altered my birth-experience from too much, to a fantastic one. It changed my thoughts immediately from never again to “hope the next one is also a waterbirth” – not simply feeling able to go through all that again, but actually hoping to go through it all again … that it had all been so worthwhile.

These experiences however are not needed to bond – they simply help it along. It is never too late in a relationship to reach out and touch, to strengthen and re-establish that bond and love. Children and adults alike need those little touches – the pat on the back, stroke on their hair, sitting close, wrestling and tickling, being carried/held, hugs and kisses.

Did you know? Each parent has his or her own way of touching. Research has shown that when mothers touch babies, they are usually soothing and calming. Moms most often touch gently – they stroke softly, rock slowly, and hold their babies tenderly. Fathers, on the other hand, tend to engage in more physical forms of touch – they bounce babies on their knees, hold them playfully in the air, or roll around on the floor with them. Your baby benefits from these two different styles of touch. Together they contribute to your infant’s healthy development.
http://johnsonsbaby.com/article.do?id=9

Babies benefit immensely from massage and it is not something you need to do a course in, or pay someone else to do. It is something you can do yourself – here is a link to a lovely online video guide in How to massage your baby video