Earth Babies Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Health’

(by Damaria Senne)

As you and your partner go through different stages of your life, so your love-making will change. At times it will be wonderful. At times it might be just okay. And sometimes, it may even be difficult. What’s important is that you always talk and listen to one another and do as much as possible to keep your sexual relationship working.

If you have a new-born baby, your sexual relationship might be difficult for 6 months or longer, says SoulSEX, a new 44-page sex guide published by the Soul City Institute.

This is really a time when talking, listening, caring and supporting one another is so important. You both need to be patient and understanding. After all, there is a tiny little person in your life.

A man needs to remember that a mother of a new-born baby is often sore after giving birth and her body needs to recover. She may also be tired from nights of being up with the baby and from breastfeeding. What’s more a man needs to understand the mother’s natural motherly feelings about giving her baby as much attention, love and care as possible.

Fathers can help look after babies. This will take some of the strain off the new mother.

A new mother needs to understand that the father of a new-born baby also wants her attention, love and care. What’s more, a woman needs to remember that today many fathers want to help with their new-born babies and don’t want to be left out.

Also, there are a few men who were present at the birth of their child who find that they very distressed by what they have seen. “Some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always,” says Dr David Delvin at netdoctor.com.uk. Fathers who feel like this should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings, he says.

Will childbirth change your sex life?

Definitely, says Delvin. “Please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true,” he says.

Dr Delvin notes that childbirth is a traumatic process for a woman. “Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up,” he says.

He adds that childbirth also involves very considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. As a result, very few women feel “rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth,” he says.

However, a couple can engage in non-penetrative sex while they wait for the woman to heal. And that, too, can bring its own fun, and help the couple maintain a sexual closeness. For more details on some of the non-penetrative sexual activities you can do, download SoulSEX.
Also note that non-penetrative sexual activities should exclude cunnilingus for the first few weeks after childbirth, which could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.

Is sex going to be the same?

As previously mentioned in the introduction of this article, love-making will change as we go through various stages of our lives. However, that does not mean that it can’t be fun/as or even more rewarding than before childbirth. And yes, the vagina of a woman who had a natural childbirth will not go back to its original shape.

As Kelly Winder at Bellybelly.com.au notes: “The vagina is designed like a piano accordion – its actually designed to stretch open. Memories of trying to insert a tampon for the first time or the first sexual encounter may suggest to women that giving birth to a baby will be even worse. But the body is very capable and in fact designed to do this. Another help is that the baby is slippery, covered in vernix or at least wet with amniotic fluid. This lubrication will help the baby move through the birth canal.”
This means that the vagina is designed to stretch for childbirth and revert back to its original position afterwards, she says.

“The result of vaginal birth is an increase in blood supply to the area. This can result in women becoming more orgasmic after vaginal birth. This effect may be reduced if the pelvic floor is weak, however a women’s health physiotherapist can teach women how to correctly exercise these muscles to improve strength.”

Baby steps

According to Delvin, a couple should begin sexual intercourse gently after childbirth. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out, he says. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up, so you can have some peace and quiet.
“Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist,” he says
He also notes that a couple should choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration for the first few sessions of sex after childbirth, A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable, he says.

Lastly, here are some ideas stop your children walking in when you are making love:
• Lock the door
• Ask a friend to look after them when you arrange a special time for yourself as a couple
• Make love somewhere else (outside the home, for example0
• Make sure your children are fast asleep.

Download SoulSEX

Bio
Damaria Senne is a writer based in Johannesburg. She is the web content developer for OneLove (www.onelovesouthernafrica.org) , a 9-country regional campaign which aims to encourage people in Southern Africa to have one sexual partner. Damaria writes about her life as a writer at http://damariasenne.blogspot.com

Related to yesterdays blog about touch and bonding I came across this article about touch between teachers and pupils. It is a well written article that gets you thinking.

The importance of physical touch in a school environment

Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, how do you feel about physical contact from your child’s educators … or lack thereof? Would a no contact rule be beneficial to our children or like me do you think that we would be damaging and disadvantaging our children in the long run all in the interest of keeping them safe from the risk of inappropriate touch.

I have always had a personal rule to trust my children’s innate instinct and to never force them to greet an adult they don’t want to. It is embarrassing at times and I have found myself being apologetic or trying to cover up what is perceived as rudeness but have recently again had this highlighted to me – if your child does not want to greet or have contact with an adult you need to respect that desire irrespective of who that person is – your child has their reasons and that instinct to stay away is what will keep them safe if you respect and nurture it.

Aromatherapy has been found to be beneficial in labour to reduce to reduce anxiety and pain – most commonly used oils are lavender, frankinsence and rose though there are others (see article below). It is important to use a scent you enjoy and to use in moderation as your senses are heightened in labour.

I liked the suggestions in this article by Nancy Eggleston because they give a lighter application and alternatives to the direct applying to the skin in the form of oils which can be limiting – I am careful about using oils specifically for women wanting to birth in water. Women in labour have heightened senses so what was pleasant can suddenly bother them as labour progresses – having a scent or oil on your skin that you cannot easily wash off can be very distracting and cause discomfort and even nausea.

(parts taken from Creative Uses for Aromatherapy During Labor – by Nancy Eggleston)

If you have never used aromatherapy before, begin slowly and test some of the many aromatic scents ahead of time. Remember, your senses may be heightened during labor.

Soothing and healing properties to choose from:
– Geranium, rosemary, lavender and chamomile have pain relieving and relaxant effects.

– Lavender is very balancing and calming. It is also very good for headaches.

– Geranium supports circulation and breathing, and boasts antidepressant effects.

– Neroli is a very good anti-depressant, but it also helps with anxiety, fear and apprehension.

– Rose is considered a very feminine oil and is used as a uterine tonic which supports labor.

– Jasmine is uplifting and yet balancing.
– Bergamot is calming and relaxing.

– Ylang Ylang is a strong scent – be certain that you find it pleasing ahead of time. I happen to love it, but may not have during labor. If you do enjoy this scent, it is a good choice for helping to lower blood pressure. It can be soothing and relaxing.

Suggestions on how to use aromatherapy in labour:

o Make a spritzer by combining one or two drops of an essential oil listed above and 120ml of water. Pour into a clean, small spray bottle and shake well. Store in the refrigerator until labor day. You can adjust the amount of oil later if you find that you want a drop or two more.

o If you are allowed to bathe during labor, spritz into the water for a soothing and relaxing soak.

o Spritz on a pretty handkerchief and pamper yourself – how special is that?! You can hold it, twist it, wipe yourself with it, and share with your birthing partner when you’ve had enough.

o Spray into the birthing room gently to soften and freshen the air around you.

o Spritz on your feet for a clean, fresh feeling. Peppermint is a good choice for your feet as it is cooling and refreshing. Your feet are far enough away from your nose that the smell may be ignored if it bothers you later. Chances are, the scent will be gone quickly.

o Choose a soft, pure cotton handkerchief or washcloth. Fold it over, sew up three sides and fill halfway with a mixture of rice and one tablespoon of dried lavender. Sew up the third side. Place in the freezer or in an air-tight plastic bag and set in an ice chest. This can be placed over your eyes for relaxation. (See Aromatherapy for Labor & Childbirth for chakra centers and place over each one during labor stages.) Other herbs to choose from are: dried orange or grapefruit peel, dried and crumbled rose petals, dried chamomile or raspberry leaves. Make several of these and keep a few ready to microwave in case you feel chilled.

o Fill a new, soft, cotton tube sock with approximately 1/2 cup of rice and one or two tablespoons of dried lavender so that the amount fits neatly into the palm of your hand like a round ball. (Lavender is antiseptic and it is very soothing for aching backs and limbs.) Cut, and sew up the open end. Your birth partner can use this to rub the small of your back if you have back labor. This item can also be made by sewing about a half inch above the filled rice, then tying a knot at the top of the sock. Hold the sock in the palm of your hand, with the knotted end coming up between your thumb and first finger. It makes a nice “handle.”

o Fill a square piece of muslin fabric with a mixture of rolled oats and lavender or other dried herb. Pull corners up and tie tightly with a ribbon or string. Rub gently on your tummy, legs, back or neck. The oats are calming and soothing, as are the dried herbs.

o Fill a small bowl with hot water and a few drops of your choice of essential oils above. Set somewhere in the room where it can be enjoyed, yet easily removed.

o Add a drop or two of essential oil to a very natural, unscented body lotion. Some bath shops carry these, or you can make your own easily using recipes from Janice Cox’s Natural Beauty books. Keep handy and ask your birthing partner to rub on your feet, back or legs during labor.

Essential Oils to stay clear of during pregnancy (note some may be used during labour though) :
Basil, clary sage, cedarwood, cypress, fennel, jasmine, juniper, lemongrass, marjoram, myrrh, origanum, parsley, peppermint, rose, rosemary and thyme