Earth Babies Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Moms’

The 2nd of our inspirations for Earth Babies was born (the first being Sally’s Rachel). Happy Birthday Rafe, because of you mommy has learnt so much!
I have with Sally created a very hands on internet business from simply ideas shared. I have realised I have strength and perseverance beyond what I ever imagined. I have met and interacted with the most amazing people. I learn something new daily and most of all I have made the most amazing friends.

from this 30/11/2004

I think becoming a parent has been the most educating influence in my life. Have you ever noticed how once a person becomes a parent (from pregnancy) it is as if they cannot talk about anything but babies, nappies, birth, children, milestones, nutrition, discipline, education, etc etc.
I have seen many people roll their eyes and think a person has become less intellectual – tunnel visioned, but think about the masses of new information that you are suddenly experiencing – talking children never leaves you ignorant but more informed. You are learning hands on about the most intricate and complex creatures on earth from conception – the human being. Becoming a parent does not limit your knowledge, it can expands it way beyond what you ever imagined.

I chat on a mothering forum and when you mention it to people you get more raised eyebrows. This form of interaction however has again opened up my mind to so many things I would never have considered, child related but even more so about the history, science, people, politics and current events. We laugh, cry, moan, fight and debate with each other and all through it we are sharing and learning.

to this 30/11/2010

Conversation with another person if you open yourself up to listen to them is never a waste, every person can teach you something – sometimes it is something you never knew and sometimes it is maybe simply a different point of view, how to listen, compassion or how to do things better.

Every person you meet has something they can teach you and a baby more so than an adult.

This is always a concern for parents 2nd time around – how will the older child take to the new baby. Are they going to feel jealous, neglected, like you no longer love them? Are you going to be able to love more than one child?

To the last question – YES you are, there is no deep explanation other than love has no limits there is always enough to go around … now time is another matter

Preparing for a new baby:
Read the rest of this entry »

SHOP LINK: an Earth Babies product

This makes a lovely baby shower gift.

♥ this one from www.creative-baby-nursery-rooms.com

What is a belly cast?

A belly cast is a plaster of paris moulding of your pregnant belly. A 3d memory of how it was.

What comes in the kit:

Plaster of paris bandages, tub of Vaseline, Disposable gloves, Tealight candles and relaxing organic Tea (for the ambience) and instructions

How is it made:

Read the rest of this entry »

My role is not central to the birth but more as a background support to the key players so that they can each focus their energies where they are most needed at any given time.

1. What is a doula?
A doula is a trained, non-medical, birth support person (labour companion). Her function is to provide emotional and informed-choice support to the parents before, during and after the birth. The focus of the doula falls on the mother’s emotional and physical needs, wants and best interests. Her aim is to help the mother (as far as possible) achieve her ‘ideal birth’ as opposed to the ideas held by those present (doula included).
The doula’s support complements the medical care-giver and assists a birth partner in participating with confidence.

2. Why would you need a midwife/doctor and a doula?

says gail J Dahl. “Many women think their doctor will be there for them throughout labor only to discover it’s just them and their partner in the room for most of the time.”

Though a midwife’s approach is holistic care, their main function at a birth is as your medical caregiver and as such there is always a stage in a birth where their focus out of necessity becomes clinical in nature and the emotional needs of the mother become secondary. The doula’s function does not change – her focus remains the mother’s needs and through assisting the birth partner in how best to support the mother, allows the mother to focus on birthing her baby.

3. Does it really help having a doula?
It has been observed that the support of a doula has a positive impact on a woman’s ability to cope in labour as well as her feelings about the birth experience afterwards. Mothers with doula support are less inclined to feel overwhelmed and panicked. This reduces the requests for medicated pain relief, epidurals and the number of caesareans.
Results from 6 different studies of doula assisted births have been observed that due to better birthing positions and less stress hormones produced by calmer women in labour, there is a:

• 50% reduction in the caesarean rate
• 25% shorter labour (due to better birthing positions and less stress hormones produced by calmer women in labour)
• 60% reduction in epidural requests
• 40% reduction in oxytocin use
• 30% reduction in analgesia use
• 40% reduction in forceps delivery
Information was obtained from Mothering the Mother: How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter Easier and Healthier Birth, Klaus, Kennell, and Klaus (1993).

4. How do doulas practice?
In South Africa doulas practice privately and are hired by the birth parents.
Depending on how they structure their package and what extras are provided their costs range from R1500 to R3000 (this will invariably cover 1-2 visits prior to the birth, the birth itself, the settling period after the birth and 1-2 post natal visit).

5. Does a doula replace nursing staff?
No. As indicated the doula’s function is non-medical, though they do assist the staff in terms of taking care of the mothers needs as the doula’s presence at the birth is consistent throughout the birth and they only have one person to care for -whereas medical staff are not present the entire duration, their attention is shared by others on the ward and staff is subject to shift changes.

6. Does a doula make decisions on my behalf?
No – she purely carries out your wishes.

7. Will a doula make my partner feel unnecessary?
No, as said she assists your birth partner in being actively and effectively involved, so on the contrary most birth partners feel that the doula made them feel more comfortable and attending the birth.

8. What do Doula’s do?
• A doula is the only carer who is with the mother consistently for the duration of labour, the birth and till everyone is settled and resting after the birth

• Gives both emotional and physical support and comfort in coping with each contraction through various means such as: words of encouragement, keeping those present quiet through the contractions, touch, massage, aromatherapy, counterpressure, movement, praise and reassurance.

• She guides on position changes, how to relax, prepares and guides the mother through the different phases of labour by keeping her informed of what is happening.

• The doula can assist and guide in the writing of a birth plan, explain procedures and help parents to make informed decisions and assist in realising the birth plan as far as possible – with this as a guide she acts as the voice for the parents with the medical staff and advocates their birth requirements.

• Doulas are informed on all phases of labour and birth and are able to prepare parents through explaining what to expect.

• Doulas assists the birth partner in how to be supportive to the mother and by taking care of more trivial things can free the partner up to concentrate on the birth mother (or by being there to support the mother can give the partner a breather).

• She is able to take pictures at the labour and birth (though it is not practical for the doula to be both the carer and the official photographer).

• The doula is trained to assist with post natal care for the mother and child and provide basic support in the successful initiation of breastfeeding.

9. What is most important to consider when choosing a doula?

Regardless of whether you’re choosing a doctor or midwife, you need to look at personality. “If you feel you’re not being respected by your caregiver, then that is not the caregiver for you,” says Gail L Dahl. “And you can switch to someone new right up to the time you give birth.”

You need to feel that she respects your wants and needs for the birth and does not try to instil her own on you. She is not your medical caregiver (you have chosen that person in the role of your obstetrician or midwife) and will not be attending the birth on her own or making medical decisions on your behalf– above all else you need to feel able to rely on her for support, so connecting with her as a person is important.

10. How can I find a doula in my area?
There are various listing services on the net.
DOSA www.doula.org.za
The Village www.doulas.co.za
Sacred Space www.doulatraining.co.za
WOMBS www.wombs.org.za

Birth Plan Generator

other posts on this topic
Birth Story Friday – Gabriel’s Birth – doula perspective
Women who birth

Mother

What makes a mother? Is it the process of growing a baby inside you and giving birth to a new life? What then about those who adopt, foster, care for and love children who they did not bear in their womb, but whose place in their heart is as huge and all consuming as any mother, who went through the process of birth?

The definition of who is a mother, and who deserves to be, is not one I even wish to try and tackle, but in the light of Mothers Day, it got me thinking about what being a mother means. This is a life changing role that nothing can prepare you for, no matter how much you read, or plan, or try to get mentally ready for.

Perhaps the biggest part that we are ill prepared for, more than the sleepless nights and the change in routine, is two emotions that no one really talks about; guilt and doubt. Of course there are wonderful positive emotions and just how much you can love another little person, can come as quite a surprise, but no more do you get to be carefree and totally confident. That only comes at the end, when things turn out okay, and you can look back and say, “I did okay – or maybe they just turned out okay despite me.” It does not matter how competent you were at any job, or the high powered position you may have held, or how confident you were, parenting is a job where the stakes are higher than anything you will ever have done before, or will do again, and the worst part, is that there is no manual. Sure there are plenty of how to books, with all sorts of ideas, but the small people we get, are each individual, unique and different to any other child, so any manual is at best a guess, and may not suit you or your child’s temperament.

The best option you have, is to find what seems to work for you and your child or what you believe is right. Then you land up defending this method to all others because the outcome is so important. You can’t be wrong because then your child’s future is at stake. And while you will defend what you do, to the death, the doubt will gnaw at you in the quiet moments –“ have I really got it right?” If you are right then they should turn out okay, and if not then others will look at you and shake their heads and say; you were too strict or too lenient, too permissive or too dominant, you crushed their spirits or you let them run wild, you worked or you stayed at home, there will be something you did that was responsible.

The problem is in parenting we get no guarantees, every expert with a method, book or idea on how to parent has success stories and cases to prove why they are right. I do not think we all need to parent in the same way but we need to acknowledge that at best we are all guessing and trying to get it right. Maybe if we defend less and share our insecurities more we may be able to learn more from each other and grow as parents, rather than tear each other apart by defending what we do, tooth and nail.

This Mothers Day, add a healthy dose of ‘cutting-yourself-some-slack’ and go out and enjoy the things that make this job, no matter the difficulties, one of the best and most rewarding things you will ever do. Shelve the guilt, ignore the doubt and revel in the joy, those pesky emotions will be there waiting for you again on Monday…

Happy Mother’s Day.

(by Damaria Senne)

As you and your partner go through different stages of your life, so your love-making will change. At times it will be wonderful. At times it might be just okay. And sometimes, it may even be difficult. What’s important is that you always talk and listen to one another and do as much as possible to keep your sexual relationship working.

If you have a new-born baby, your sexual relationship might be difficult for 6 months or longer, says SoulSEX, a new 44-page sex guide published by the Soul City Institute.

This is really a time when talking, listening, caring and supporting one another is so important. You both need to be patient and understanding. After all, there is a tiny little person in your life.

A man needs to remember that a mother of a new-born baby is often sore after giving birth and her body needs to recover. She may also be tired from nights of being up with the baby and from breastfeeding. What’s more a man needs to understand the mother’s natural motherly feelings about giving her baby as much attention, love and care as possible.

Fathers can help look after babies. This will take some of the strain off the new mother.

A new mother needs to understand that the father of a new-born baby also wants her attention, love and care. What’s more, a woman needs to remember that today many fathers want to help with their new-born babies and don’t want to be left out.

Also, there are a few men who were present at the birth of their child who find that they very distressed by what they have seen. “Some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always,” says Dr David Delvin at netdoctor.com.uk. Fathers who feel like this should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings, he says.

Will childbirth change your sex life?

Definitely, says Delvin. “Please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true,” he says.

Dr Delvin notes that childbirth is a traumatic process for a woman. “Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up,” he says.

He adds that childbirth also involves very considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. As a result, very few women feel “rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth,” he says.

However, a couple can engage in non-penetrative sex while they wait for the woman to heal. And that, too, can bring its own fun, and help the couple maintain a sexual closeness. For more details on some of the non-penetrative sexual activities you can do, download SoulSEX.
Also note that non-penetrative sexual activities should exclude cunnilingus for the first few weeks after childbirth, which could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.

Is sex going to be the same?

As previously mentioned in the introduction of this article, love-making will change as we go through various stages of our lives. However, that does not mean that it can’t be fun/as or even more rewarding than before childbirth. And yes, the vagina of a woman who had a natural childbirth will not go back to its original shape.

As Kelly Winder at Bellybelly.com.au notes: “The vagina is designed like a piano accordion – its actually designed to stretch open. Memories of trying to insert a tampon for the first time or the first sexual encounter may suggest to women that giving birth to a baby will be even worse. But the body is very capable and in fact designed to do this. Another help is that the baby is slippery, covered in vernix or at least wet with amniotic fluid. This lubrication will help the baby move through the birth canal.”
This means that the vagina is designed to stretch for childbirth and revert back to its original position afterwards, she says.

“The result of vaginal birth is an increase in blood supply to the area. This can result in women becoming more orgasmic after vaginal birth. This effect may be reduced if the pelvic floor is weak, however a women’s health physiotherapist can teach women how to correctly exercise these muscles to improve strength.”

Baby steps

According to Delvin, a couple should begin sexual intercourse gently after childbirth. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out, he says. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up, so you can have some peace and quiet.
“Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist,” he says
He also notes that a couple should choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration for the first few sessions of sex after childbirth, A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable, he says.

Lastly, here are some ideas stop your children walking in when you are making love:
• Lock the door
• Ask a friend to look after them when you arrange a special time for yourself as a couple
• Make love somewhere else (outside the home, for example0
• Make sure your children are fast asleep.

Download SoulSEX

Bio
Damaria Senne is a writer based in Johannesburg. She is the web content developer for OneLove (www.onelovesouthernafrica.org) , a 9-country regional campaign which aims to encourage people in Southern Africa to have one sexual partner. Damaria writes about her life as a writer at http://damariasenne.blogspot.com

“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”
Lin Yutang

(got this by email a long time ago)

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

This weekend C (husband) and I had the treat of a night all to ourselves. Sally very kindly had both of my kids sleep over by her. I looked forward to it all week – I kept it as a surprise from C as it had been his birthday in the week and rather than going out i thought it would be nice to do a romantic evening at home. I spent the week preparing the children that they would be sleeping out and anticipating the joy of being child free for an entire night (Rafe has slept out but Kara had never).

We watched a dvd (early without having to first wait for the kids to go to sleep). We ate decadent food and dessert (everything our kids would never eat). We got to sit close to each other (no kids inbetween us). We got to make love where and when we wanted (no kids forcing a late night, stealth mode, too tired to do much encounter).

It was heaven and fun and felt like we were worry free and dating again … but you may have noticed a trend in the previous paragraph – yup after a bit I kept thinking of what the kids were doing or would be doing were they with us. At bed time i felt so heartsore that our house felt empty. I will not lie I LOVED my solid nights sleep, and loved being able to snuggle up to C through the night and in the early morning – it was however rather sad not waking to a little body pushing me off the bed and the normal range of morning drama and demands. It does appear as usual I missed them more than what they missed us.

I loved the time to ourselves, that precious time together that all parents need to reconnect BUT the best part of the evening was rediscovering that though I sometimes yearn for time away for my kids the yearn to be with them is stronger.

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I’ll bounce on the furniture…wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud ’til the end of the day!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”

The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.
– Jill Churchill

Every mother will understand that feeling that you are failing at being a good mother in those moments where you cannot handle one more cry, scream, bicker, whinge, repetition, touch etc … and then the guilt sets in. Why do we feel this is it society pressure, personal pressure, keeping up appearances? I dont strive to be a perfect mother, I am too imperfect for that but I do hope, try and pray I am a good one …

This week I felt my ultimate fail at being a good mom – after bath time I was massaging olive oil into my son (almost 5yrs) very dry legs and he wanted to know why I was doing that. So feeling a little ‘Hansel & Gretel’ish I told him he was nice and fattened up now so it was time to cook him so I was just putting the oil on to get him ready ………… he started to cry ….. BAD MOMMY he actually believed I would cook and eat him!! Where is the trust that I love him and will always look after him!?

These illustrations came from: Grimm, Jacob and Wilhelm. The Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm. Mrs. Edgar Lucas, translator. Arthur Rackham, illustrator. London: Constable & Company Ltd, 1909.

Their dad has an after bath little wrapped in a towel ritual where Rafe is his boerewors and Kara is a skaapworsie and he plays he is going to put them in the oven … lots of giggles but obviously mom will really do it *sigh* it sucks always being the bad guy.

Kara (2½yrs) did offer to be the sacrificial lamb – she hates being left out of a cook up lol.
So back to the drawing board on how to be a good mom – 1st lesson no jokes about cooking if you are the witch in the story.