I am lucky to be in the position where I have ‘the best of both worlds’ where in the mornings they are at school but in the afternoons they are home with me.
It is what is best for our family, it gives us a bit of balance of some time apart and enough time spent together. I need a little distance to make the heart grow fonder, to be the nicer, more patient mom as opposed to the frustrated, horribly mean mom (though this also still at times happens). They benefit from the time spent with friends, some structure and learning discipline. They learn through interaction, lessons and copying friends and and I initiate or support this learning in my own ways at home.
I fear that if I ever home schooled, my kids would probably end up ignorant or I would be the stereotypical strict schoolmarm and they would hate learning.

Though I have always recognized there are benefits to home schooling it was always with the assumption that a formal curriculum or structure of sorts is followed. My first knowledge of unschooling was years back, from an episode of Wife Swap … and unschooling was not given a favourable reflection. I don’t know if it was really that the specific mothers approach was honestly that backward or if it was the way it was filmed, but I was shocked at the impression it left. I can at least say that after the swop where the other family were very pro formal learning (and waaay too driven) that it appeared both families benefited and changed their approaches to what was better for their children.

Because of this initial negative impression and misunderstanding, I have always been a little sceptical about unschooling – which lingers even though over the years I have a better understanding and experience of what it is and that unschooling does not mean not educating.

I know people differ, so where some (like the family in the program) may misinterpret unschooling as no schooling or book learning whatsoever and assume kids will simply gain knowledge by work and play without any real assistance and guidance, others (hopefully the majority) really get it – that it is letting children lead in what you learn about and using those opportunities and interests to guide their learning. That learning does not require ’school-time’ and lessons, desks or the day separated into different subjects (with all subjects covered daily). Rather that it is an ongoing nurturing of knowledge which simply requires an interested parent, enthusiastic questioning children and the means to provide them with the tools to answer their questions be it books, activities, computers or experiential outings.

A friend shared this article on Facebook today which I enjoyed reading as it explained homeschooling in such a favourable and understandable manner.
Cooking With What’s in the Bag – Unschooling as the CSA Model of Learning by Carrie Pomeroy.
I hope you read it and would love to hear your feelings on this – do you have preconceived ideas?

It is not advised starting swimming lessons before 6 months as prior to this their immune system is considered too immature to be exposed to the natural risks that come with public swimming. Parents do need to take into consideration though the pro’s and cons of swimming lessons before enrolling for this activity. It is not an essential skill for babies but is a wonderful learning experience for both parents and babies/toddlers.

(The American Academy of Paediatricians does not recommend swimming lessons as such for children under 4 years of age).

What are the physical capabilities of a baby and what is a reasonable expectation of what they will learn?

It is rare for children under the age of 4 to be physically able to swim unassisted. Swimming prior to this age is more an enjoyable preparation for skills to be learnt and focus should be placed on teaching them safe and appropriate poolside behaviour.
Parents need to be realistic about what you are going to achieve through lessons. Baby swimming classes is not going to “drown-proof” your child and children under a certain age cannot swim unassisted as they do not have the physical strength to be water safe. it is important to always remember – NO-ONE (even a professional swimmer) is ever “drown-proof”.
Swimming lessons familiarize children with water and create a positive foundation through experience for future learning. Babies and toddlers may learn how to put their face in water without panicking and holding their breathe for short periods. They may learn how to paddle short stretches. They are encouraged to learn how to back float though most only master this skill at 3½ to 4 yrs. Back float is one of the most basic water safety skills (most children under three are not comfortable doing this, they prefer swimming under the surface).

What do they mean by water safe?

A few of the skills required in a child who is considered water safe:
Being able to roll from front into a back float. They can lift their head up out of the water to take a breath. Turn in water and swim to the side of the pool. Pull themselves out of the water onto the poolside unassisted. Swim upwards to the surface with their face out of the water if they jump in.

A ’water safe’ child is one who can swim, chooses to enter a water environment in which they are consciously aware that they will be able to manage themselves without fear of danger, being hurt, being dominated or bullied, where they can confidently participate as an individual or within a group and have fun. One who can swim by choice on top of the water with their faces in the water, swim under the water and swim with confidence on their back. In brief a child who knows their limits and boundaries in and around water. www.childsafe.org.za

visit the Child Safe site for complete FAQ’s on this subject

Alternative to disposable swim nappies – the Cozzi nappy

My personal experience of swimming lessons for children:
I never took my babies to swimming lessons.
Rafe started swimming lessons just before his 4th birthday and within 2 months of lessons was water safe and able to swim with others. The reason for starting lessons was a holiday planned by family with older children and an uncovered pool. 2 years later he still does lessons as it is something he really enjoys. So though he is able to swim well and knows the basic strokes, he now learns the discipline of formal swimming (styles etc).
Kara started at 2½ years. The reason being, after a year of watching her brother swim at lessons she was desperate to get in, so once she could do the lessons without needing a parent in the water with her, I signed her up. After 6 months of lessons she was still not water safe but loved the experience of swimming, she understands her capabilities (or lack thereof) in water and understands the dangers of water, she back floats beautifully but cannot necessarily get into this position out of her own. She has just started her new term of lessons after the long stretch of no swimming through winter and the classes are her highlight of the week.
For preschoolers it is money well spent – whether you have a pool or not. I think it may have been a fun bonding activity to do with babies but I am of the opinion that it is more a together activity than a necessary one.

Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children.

Everyone, children included experience both positive and negative emotions – you cannot prevent them from experiencing negatives but your role as parent is to teach them how to cope. Coping with emotion is not an inborn instinct, it is something that needs to be learnt through experience, guidance, following examples and repetition.

3 most basic tips:

Name the emotions your child is feeling – this helps him identify his feelings, accept them and work through them. Ignoring, being told to suck it up and suppressing does not allow a person to deal with emotion and simply puts them under pressure – this does not mean letting his emotions have free reign but rather acknowledging how he feels and helping him overcome the emotion.

Approach communications with him positively – a really good easy to read book addressing this is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish – visit their site for more tips and info www.fabermazlish.com

Set an example for them to follow – remember children are always watching and listening and do what you do not what you say.

emotion faces

More tips:

* Observe how your child interacts with others – discuss it with him later giving detailed and encouraging feedback. This way he can learn to recognize what is appropriate behaviour and what is not. How a child interacts with his peers directly indicates how he will interact as an adult.

* Practice naming feelings and being non-judgemental. eg he seems upset/angry rather than he is a jerk

* Let you child know that though all emotions are acceptable not all behaviour is acceptable – so though it is okay to feel upset/angry about getting a toy it is not okay to throw a tantrum about it. The same applies if you over-react – you need to acknowledge this and apologise to them.

* Teach them how to express emotion appropriately and also how to move on from that emotion – eg. Babies and toddlers do not naturally know how to stop crying and either need comfort or firmness or both to be able to cope with their feelings. If not taught this early on they will always struggle to snap out of a negative spiral.

* Be willing to say no – this teaches kids to deal with disappointment and learn impulse control.

* Don’t ignore a child’s emotional response, be it negative or positive – giving recognition is different to coddling a reaction or condoning it. Make use of your child’s emotional flare-ups to understand your child and help him cope with the feeling. Spend time listening to him, accept his feelings and empathise with them.

* Accept your child’s emotions - do not try to change or dictate what they should be feeling. Explain rather that people feel different things in different situations and may react differently to what he would.

* Rather than stepping in to solve your child’s problems, allow him the chance to solve them and offer guidance so that he can learn to do this in his own way. Allow yourself to trust in his ability to cope with his feelings (this in itself teaches him that he can cope).

* Accept that feelings are short-lived and no matter how negative a feeling may be it will pass. (You cannot carry a grudge on their behalf, if your child has let it go).

* Children need boundaries – set age appropriate limits. “Love, limit and let go”

* Don’t allow your child’s emotions to affect you and cause anxiety.

* Do not make light of his emotions – show them the same respect you yourself would want.

* Help him to form positive and healthy relationships with peers.

* Remember that like physical growth children also experience emotional development and the ways in which they react and deal with their feelings will also change.

See your kids as wonderful
There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. A law of the universe is, “what you think about expands.” If you see your child and think about them as wonderful, you’ll get a lot of “wonderful.” If you think about your child as a problem, you’ll get a lot of problems. – /www.familyresource.com

if you wont climb off, i'll climb on

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT’S MINE!

If I can take it away from you,
IT’S MINE!

If it’s mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what.
If we are building something together,
All the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine,
IT’S MINE!

If it breaks or needs putting away,
IT’S YOURS!

To the last question – YES you are, there is no deep explanation other than love has no limits there is always enough to go around … now time is another matter

Preparing for a new baby:

♥ Start preparing them months before baby arrives – you have time so use it.
♥ Talk about baby as our baby or even your baby but try avoid using ‘my baby’ as this can make him feel excluded.
♥ Involve him in choosing items for baby such as clothes, toiletries, decorations for the room.
♥ Let him experience the pregnancy with you – touching your tummy, feeling baby move, talking to her etc.
♥ Talk about how baby is growing, answer any questions he has (dont brush away question as too difficult to answer if you are unsure of what to tell him ask what he thinks, listen and either accept that is being right or give him basic info to set him right)
♥ When you bring baby home let big brother love his baby too by holding her, sitting with you while feeding, touching her (dont stop him from touching her just encourage gentleness), helping with bathing, choosing the outfits, lying next to her when she goes to sleep.
♥ For toddlers buy a baby doll and pram and let them share the mothering experience.
♥ An older sibling is more aware of rejection than a baby so if they ask to be picked up or held and it is possible, give baby to someone else or put her down so you can give attention to him. If you cannot put her down then sit down, make a little space on your lap for him too and spend a few moments focussing on him so he knows he is also important and sometimes still comes first.

Tips to avoid sibling rivalry:

There is always going to be a degree of rivalry between sibling this is natural but you can take measures to ensure it is not blown out of proportion or negative rivalry.

- Create a warm home environment – a place where your children feel loved and accepted.
- Listen to what your child is saying, acknowledge their words and feelings. Encourage them to express how they feel.
- Treat children uniquely and not equally.
- Try make special time to spend with each child – this does not mean outings but just time listening and being with them. It can be as formal as time set aside just for them or as simple as building a puzzle together, cuddling when they wake or fall asleep, reading a story or having them help cook. Bathing them or with them. Even if the sibling is in the area at the time it is about your focus and not about their absence.
In many homes there are 2 parents so take turns in keeping a child busy to allow the other child alone time with each parent.
- Never compare them – accept and love that they are individuals.
- Never automatically assume (irrespective of a perceived pattern) that one is the instigator and the other the victim.
- Avoid labelling children according to age or ability. Try avoid labelling children in general.
- Try not to intervene when they are fighting, allow them to sort it out themselves. Intervention often means taking sides and this can aggravate the problem.

(adapted from Raising emotionally intelligent children – Leonie Henig)

My approach with my kids is a bit of a mix of very protective and giving them lots of space.

For me independence is a form of self confidence and trust in ones own judgement and instincts and I try to nurture and grow this in my kids but sometimes feel like I am getting it all wrong.

The kids and I spent the week end at my sisters and on Saturday we went as a special treat for them, to a story reading at the gorgeous Book shop / Coffee shop in Amanzimtoti Book Boutique (see page 21 in Toti Life). Their older cousin went with us and the idea is they would sit and listen to a story, do a fun craft and get to have a colddrink and cake (while Sis & I chillaxed over cappuccinos). But of course my kids caught me off guard (I should have expected it) by being extra clingy and needy.
They would not sit for the story without me – even when i sat with them both practically on me, neither of them listened and then both refused to do the craft … I could not help feeling disappointed and frustrated. On the other hand the youngest went to purchase her own book (which her older cousin would not do).

My kids are 3½ and 5½ and I think i am pretty laid back (some might think neglectful) in giving them space, not hovering and encouraging them to interact with people. I know for a fact some mothers would gasp at my disregard for my children’s safety but honestly it is the opposite. I try to encourage them to be independent of me for their sake and safety. I try to nurture their gut instincts to people and not override them (even when I am cringing in embarrassment) when they do not want to greet people. I encourage politeness but try to respect them and not force it for anyone. Sometimes they thrive on this and other times (like that mentioned above) even when there is no risk and I am close at hand, within view – they will revert to needy cling-ons.

Things I do to encourage their confidence away from me:

- I will often give them money to go and pay for their own purchase as it not only teaches them self confidence and independence, but also the value and responsibility of money.

- I let my daughter walk to her class alone when she wants to (other times I carry her – yup still a hipmonkey at 3½), but only after I have let her pass the main security door that is always locked – it makes her feel like a big girl. Or her big brother will walk her to class and I will sit in the car (she loves it when he does).
My son I will allow to cross the parking lot and walk to class and will watch from a distance until he is safely behind the gates of his class playground.

- I will ask them to give their teacher a message – if they forget it is not a problem but if they remember they are proud of themselves.

- Post box checking I ‘go into’ the post office while they go around the corner to the postboxes (I follow behind and wait out of sight, then I will go back inside and wait for them there as if I had never watched).

- We have a small local Spar and I have started sending my son in alone to buy bread or milk. I will park either by the door so I can watch him enter and come out or I will park on the paving side (so he does not have to cross traffic) and then climb out and stand closer where I can see the doors and make sure he gets there and returns safely. (Kara may not do this alone yet – she will forget the bread and buy chocolates – but she does get to go with her brother if their mission is to buy chocolates)

- Dvd returns, they both get to do this together and individually. It is a straightforward process with little need for interaction (depending on where I can find parking)

- We started a lift club with another family so every other week they travel with them.

- Playdates I go on gut feel and looking at the child doing the inviting. I have not yet been confronted with a playdate request from a parent I have never met, but I would take each one and consider it individually.
I have however invited children on playdates by us where the parents have not met me (I do try to then give them the option of first coming with for coffee … so they can suss us out).

- I stand back when strangers speak to them (irrespective of who the person is) and allow them to react first and step in if I feel they need me.

- At public play areas I do not follow them unless I feel the access to outside/roads etc is not well enough protected and they could wander out the wrong way (in that case I am a helicopter delux).

One thing they may not do is go into a public toilet in shopping centres without me. This is becoming an issue for Rafe as he no longer wants to go to the girls toilets – “he is a boy *sulk & tantrum*!” – I will not allow him to go in alone unless it is a very small 1 or 2 toilet bathroom where I can guard the door. And of course I cannot possibly go into the men’s toilet with him so unfortunately this is one thing we will fight about for a few years still.

What is your approach?

One of the reasons I love her hair up is then I get to see the back of her little ears and the little dent at the back of her neck – these make my heart mushy. With my son it is the sweep of his lashes on his cheekbones, the dimple on his right cheek when he smiles, the double dents (dimples) just above his bum. With both of them I love that they still have dimples instead of knuckles and their kissy lips ♥swoon♥.

dimple

little ears

Share – what is it for you??

I read this book to the kids this week and found a you-tube clip of the story.
It is a simple yet sweet story about the joy of sharing – not only about the giving of an item but about the joy it bring those that receive as well as those that give.

On the flip side it can also be a good introduction to talking about how we treat those who are different. How having ‘more’ does not make a person better and that just because someone looks different does not mean they need to be treated differently.

Youtube clip of The Rainbow Fish (6 minutes)

Another book/you tube clip blogged about was
Where the Wild Things are

“It takes two people to communicate – one to talk and the other to listen.”

Many of us live in a two language household – how to approach this is a concern. Do you only teach one language or do you raise them bilingual? If bilingual how do you approach this – do you each speak both languages, alternate from week to week or each parent speaks their mother tongue?

How to approach raising a bilingual child:

Speech therapists advise that each parent must only speak one language (their mother tongue) when addressing the child (eg. father Afrikaans, mother English etc). The reason for this is so that the child can associate one language with one parent and as such learn each language as a pure language.
If the parent were to alternate between languages, the child does not learn to differentiate between each language and so does not learn to think in one language at a time, but rather a mixture of the two. The language that the parents speak to each other is of little importance, as long as when speaking directly to the child they speak a specific language.

Be prepared that children raised in bilingual homes may take longer to speak than their peers only learning one language. This should not cause you concern as your child would essentially have the same number of words in their vocabulary as others their age, theirs is however divided in 2 (eg. 10 English, 10 Afrikaans compared to another child’s 20 English). This difference in development is only for the initial period, once language development is properly established your child will be as fluent as the next but in 2 languages.

The language they hear most will often take precedence over the other and will as a result possibly develop faster (eg. If a child is at home all day with the English speaking parent, they may speak predominantly English at first. Their other language will catch up over time). It is not a rejection of the 2nd language, merely a natural process due to exposure.

There are many myths, concerns and opinions regarding raising children in a bilingual home – rather than becoming concerned with all the issues raised, visit the following website whose focus is on addressing and educating in this regard.

http://www.multilingualchildren.org/
This website answers many of the questions you might have and offers great articles, support and a forum.

Part of my original motivation of Earth Babies, was to try share with others a simpler, less stressful approach to parenting and lessen (for those open to it) that consumer push for more and more gadgets that babies ‘need’ (this makes me a very bad sales person as I am always trying to find a way to save someone money even when they are not concerned about this ).

Our baby start was very affordable as we got practically everything we needed pre-loved and gifted. The first time we needed to buy clothes for our son was after his 3rd birthday. The only baby item we needed to buy was a cot mattress.

What for you is a must have with babies?
What was your least used baby gadget that you bought?
How do you feel about using pre-loved items?

♥ BABYLOVE ♥