Earth Babies Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Spotlight’

(by Damaria Senne)

As you and your partner go through different stages of your life, so your love-making will change. At times it will be wonderful. At times it might be just okay. And sometimes, it may even be difficult. What’s important is that you always talk and listen to one another and do as much as possible to keep your sexual relationship working.

If you have a new-born baby, your sexual relationship might be difficult for 6 months or longer, says SoulSEX, a new 44-page sex guide published by the Soul City Institute.

This is really a time when talking, listening, caring and supporting one another is so important. You both need to be patient and understanding. After all, there is a tiny little person in your life.

A man needs to remember that a mother of a new-born baby is often sore after giving birth and her body needs to recover. She may also be tired from nights of being up with the baby and from breastfeeding. What’s more a man needs to understand the mother’s natural motherly feelings about giving her baby as much attention, love and care as possible.

Fathers can help look after babies. This will take some of the strain off the new mother.

A new mother needs to understand that the father of a new-born baby also wants her attention, love and care. What’s more, a woman needs to remember that today many fathers want to help with their new-born babies and don’t want to be left out.

Also, there are a few men who were present at the birth of their child who find that they very distressed by what they have seen. “Some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always,” says Dr David Delvin at netdoctor.com.uk. Fathers who feel like this should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings, he says.

Will childbirth change your sex life?

Definitely, says Delvin. “Please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true,” he says.

Dr Delvin notes that childbirth is a traumatic process for a woman. “Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up,” he says.

He adds that childbirth also involves very considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. As a result, very few women feel “rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth,” he says.

However, a couple can engage in non-penetrative sex while they wait for the woman to heal. And that, too, can bring its own fun, and help the couple maintain a sexual closeness. For more details on some of the non-penetrative sexual activities you can do, download SoulSEX.
Also note that non-penetrative sexual activities should exclude cunnilingus for the first few weeks after childbirth, which could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.

Is sex going to be the same?

As previously mentioned in the introduction of this article, love-making will change as we go through various stages of our lives. However, that does not mean that it can’t be fun/as or even more rewarding than before childbirth. And yes, the vagina of a woman who had a natural childbirth will not go back to its original shape.

As Kelly Winder at Bellybelly.com.au notes: “The vagina is designed like a piano accordion – its actually designed to stretch open. Memories of trying to insert a tampon for the first time or the first sexual encounter may suggest to women that giving birth to a baby will be even worse. But the body is very capable and in fact designed to do this. Another help is that the baby is slippery, covered in vernix or at least wet with amniotic fluid. This lubrication will help the baby move through the birth canal.”
This means that the vagina is designed to stretch for childbirth and revert back to its original position afterwards, she says.

“The result of vaginal birth is an increase in blood supply to the area. This can result in women becoming more orgasmic after vaginal birth. This effect may be reduced if the pelvic floor is weak, however a women’s health physiotherapist can teach women how to correctly exercise these muscles to improve strength.”

Baby steps

According to Delvin, a couple should begin sexual intercourse gently after childbirth. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out, he says. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up, so you can have some peace and quiet.
“Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist,” he says
He also notes that a couple should choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration for the first few sessions of sex after childbirth, A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable, he says.

Lastly, here are some ideas stop your children walking in when you are making love:
• Lock the door
• Ask a friend to look after them when you arrange a special time for yourself as a couple
• Make love somewhere else (outside the home, for example0
• Make sure your children are fast asleep.

Download SoulSEX

Bio
Damaria Senne is a writer based in Johannesburg. She is the web content developer for OneLove (www.onelovesouthernafrica.org) , a 9-country regional campaign which aims to encourage people in Southern Africa to have one sexual partner. Damaria writes about her life as a writer at http://damariasenne.blogspot.com

The subject of sex offenders against children has come up a few times in a matter of weeks, which has had me thinking deeper on the subject ongoing and evolving. I am not going to reinvent the wheel and retype things that have already been said but rather ask you to take a little time to read these blog posts and then I would love to hear what your thoughts on the subject are.

Jozikids – How much freedom should we give our kids
Harassed Mom – Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. (related to the 1st)
Kiddies Corner – Sex Offenders Registry

I have recently had it re-emphasised to me how easily our children can come in contact with a sex offender without our suspecting it. It is always said is most often someone you know and would not necessarily suspect – and this is very true (it is only after the fact with the new knowledge that you can say I should have known, but at the time all seems innocent).
We are often on the look out for the creepy person where it is the ‘normal’ person who is creepy.

Was reading an small article this morning in the GOLF magazine about Catriona Matthews a Scottish golfer – and before you are either impressed or think I am nuts, noooo I dont follow golf my husband showed me the article (which is a month old news – but new to me).

What is impressive – apart from that she can actually play golf – is that at 39 years of age (which many considered to old to be playing as well as she did) and a mere 10 weeks after giving birth to her second child she won her first Major championship at the Women’s British Open held at Royal Lytham and St Anne’s (on the 2nd of August 2009)… WOW!!!

Catriona Matthew with her trophy and her husband Graeme, her caddie

Though my second birth was a walk in the park I was definitely not up to a 3 day golf championship just 10 weeks later (okay who am I kidding I am not ever up to that).

articles:
Times Online
LPGA.com

Related to yesterdays blog about touch and bonding I came across this article about touch between teachers and pupils. It is a well written article that gets you thinking.

The importance of physical touch in a school environment

Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, how do you feel about physical contact from your child’s educators … or lack thereof? Would a no contact rule be beneficial to our children or like me do you think that we would be damaging and disadvantaging our children in the long run all in the interest of keeping them safe from the risk of inappropriate touch.

I have always had a personal rule to trust my children’s innate instinct and to never force them to greet an adult they don’t want to. It is embarrassing at times and I have found myself being apologetic or trying to cover up what is perceived as rudeness but have recently again had this highlighted to me – if your child does not want to greet or have contact with an adult you need to respect that desire irrespective of who that person is – your child has their reasons and that instinct to stay away is what will keep them safe if you respect and nurture it.

Came across this by chance and thought to share it.

Did you know that children laugh on average 300 times a day compared to adults only laughing 15 times a day? Where did we lose the ability to laugh? Did we actually lose that ability? Laughing is a vital part of being happy in our lives, and it is something that is worthwhile making a conscious effort to do more of.

Read on to find out how children are teaching us adults how to be happy in life.